Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts

Monday 29 July 2013

Things I Want to Say to My Girls

Sometimes, I wonder if we don’t all have an innate form of ‘locked in’ syndrome… of experiencing life from the inside of our heads that feels normal to us, and we never think of sharing with other people…

Twice, recently, I’ve experienced moments of ‘oh, doesn’t everyone do/know that?’

The first was in doing some research about neurology and psychology and the effects and power of mindfulness meditation (weird direction, I’ll grant you, but you just never know what kinds of wonders you’ll find when you look…)

insulaInsula: it’s a part of your (and my) brain that is active in perceiving the body’s internal experience, and is highly attuned to empathy. It is said that people with highly-developed (that is, in neuroplasticity speak, often-used) insula are not only highly empathic with others, but highly self-aware: they can feel what’s going on in their own bodies, including their shifting moods and tension or relaxation and one of the markers for high level insula function is being aware of their on heart beating.

Cue the double-take..

Ask around a bit.

Isn’t that ordinary? Don’t you always feel your heart beating?

That was surprise number one.

The second one I stumbled upon while re-reading Dan Baker’s lovely (I highly recommend it) What Happy People Know. He refers obliquely to one of the sources of happiness in life being about choice, specifically being aware of our personal choices regarding not only our lives, but also what we’re good at and value. It reads:

Why am I so sure that’s who I am? Because that’s exactly whom I chose to be. I put tremendous effort into making these choices. I eliminated many other possibilities and poured my heart into the ones that fit me best.

Which got me thinking about the multiple talents and abilities I am aware of having (that old self-awareness thingy again) and have no intention or interest in using or developing further, or, perhaps more relevant to the title of this piece as you’ll see in a moment I hope, earning money from… For example, whenever the option to sell things (home party kinds of things) comes up, which is virtually every time I attend one and someone notices that I’m good at retaining all kinds of information and chatting up the benefits, etc… Yes, I know, but I still also know that I’m not willing to do what I know it takes to be successful in that business and I have no interest in participating in it –no, really, not even for the potential for vast amounts of money. I get it, I’m weird.

But what I just realized I’m not sure I ever told my girls –because it’s one of those ‘doesn’t everyone know this?’ – is

you don’t have to do what you’re good at just because you’re good at it

You are good at so many things, you can pick the one(s) that you want to use, not only the ones other people notice or that other people value, and certainly not all of them if you don’t wanna…

Just sayin’ … ‘cause you may not have noticed…

 

Tuesday 27 October 2009

Unhappy in a Great Life? The Reason is the Misery Contract

www.flickr.com
Editor's Note: This post contains affiliate links. Linda Clement only ever shares links to books she has read and believes are of value. No authors have been harmed in the sharing of these recommendations...

...recently been thinking about happiness --talking about it, reading a great book (What Happy People Know by the guy who runs one of the programs at Canyon Ranch) about it...

It seems to me that many people have unilaterally signed a contract with the universe that is not only unnecessary, but that is quite insane. I call it the


The Misery Contract

https://www.flickr.com/photos/knowuh/4445551236/in/photolist-7LQBv7-s2T93f-7fX9y6-7i3G4x-o5uNv-8ktTky-9xTYT1-6bKNox-rBZupH-ej53ZN-7RrcWR-7Fyk5S-cGCZLj-ftqE1w-aiD2M4-4fTd6M-72nQzm-6bPYoY-jh6Ux9-a4Lj5P-89Pvty-6uFiHy-nfV9Zi-6JMMkb-qKg2gA-7oRoEC-9moxrU-asAEai-bNBJUM-fij5rW-8ktJCG-axQEac-gJX5xm-9sVXg-nwGHGm-8ktTwC-pFRaLa-fNZQ2y-our6D6-8oie65-fdbZtb-78nLPf-d9XvkS-qhfG9n-4fXd3N-4fTcR8-Ui8uCE-iGRg2-6jUuyX-8kqFJF




I will be happy when all--not some, but all of my conditions are met.

who was it that wanted you to be happy and has pissed you off?





https://www.flickr.com/photos/donnieray/16686547995/in/photolist-nGzSVF-6Gb2Z5-rqwVnn-8EVRmL-ffyzjj-nnPxWR-fcSJK9-QYi53P-ffyAe3-ffjnwa-ff7R8U-feTphV-ffCGCC-ffjkmr-m5w3X2-ff8G9U-feSzFX-ffyyGA-4mpem4-ffjnqv-ff7RMG-ffoth4-ffCFKj-fcCqbR-nkNNWH-ffCGws-ff7QVw-feToYk-feSzsx-ff7RoE-7p3miG-ffotFK-ffjkXn-aptST7-feSyPt-ffjm4i-feSzbT-ff7Qy9-rv851t-ffjkhg-ffjksR-feToMx-pLnmFD-ffjjCv-9qqG12-nkMVME-feSycr-ffjk7H-feSyAp-Lp7tH





I have to get all this stuff done before I can afford to be happy.
just what do you think happiness is?






https://www.flickr.com/photos/49024304@N00/535118343/in/photolist-PhC3k-6g4StL-feSAhK-ffjjvV-6hVMpn-qactiL-ffCFDS-nkLMmU-ff8GiS-ffjkzg-ff8GeG-6ytzXE-ffyAkw-9poVEY-nkLoe1-feSAdp-ffyykG-ff7RHw-ffCG7A-6QpfEc-ff8FQS-feSzAM-ff8FVd-ff7QPS-hu2XEd-dGFRjS-ffCFQu-ffjnaR-ffCGjs-ff8FKu-nm4AcP-dSjGG4-F2wxJ-k3trpd-V3FHGj-7FKcqN-ffyAr1-ffyzKU-dV2m5e-7FKcg1-cceTpG-o3n3eP-ff7Swo-feSA1H-ffjmv6-4bXr87-ffjjJg-nkP1zo-ffyzeW-ffCFt9


As long as that person is in my life, I will prove they've screwed up my life by being miserable.
ooh, excellent plan, that will really get through to. . . . no one



https://www.flickr.com/photos/kellyshort6/9272680133/in/photolist-kyNviP-cxa1zW-VqL7NK-8NTksS-TJn7Hx-iFiov3-f8oUKp-9RJVJ9-qKg2gA-7oRoEC-cKPgLS-5pviTW-5WqRN7-n6WMwF-cyLCgu-SuvaTp-Td5uTs-fdbZtb-f9o9TQ-2V2uSq-9HUs18-86zoYs-SLugWA-6QNZPd-Turv6S-hczdSr-jMASxA-ekdRs6-8ktJCG-pqzhaw-pxCj6J-5MkvKt-k1H7g-SrQC9S-7ScLXL-RA84ED-dgpMz-m6AhLv-pN5XXz-TJnf7k-k29US4-orFshZ-6EKf74-fQJXYE-USr7US-eM9VhS-dqXdDc-eXKW2H-neuow5-czCHt9


Things that happened before now will preclude my happiness until they have not happened.
good luck with that


https://www.flickr.com/photos/vinothchandar/8530944828/in/photolist-dZRjFE-Ssmino-9VnEiv-d4Sv2m-7i3G4x-T2Czdi-SrQGj5-aELXrc-2cWNX-8ktTky-dBLX8s-UBQEpo-9hYGck-5LXQkJ-opJhwR-rnGVby-TEKvsb-cx3ncY-fvg7Et-gwmAC2-rSUbew-b7daa2-gwmN7H-poFR4k-dXXP6L-88bgji-6r2pZR-F8uHQ-dY6F5h-dX8M7i-8fwvFX-g1EDcJ-UtAbDo-o8uGfJ-c2ySdj-6KGi2S-SAkPNA-TJn81M-64qbTH-7XSowL-61VxKd-4pwCzk-kyNviP-cxa1zW-VqL7NK-8NTksS-TJn7Hx-iFiov3-f8oUKp-9RJVJ9

I can't be as [young, free, rich, pretty, thin, helpful, generous, intelligent, popular, wise, funny, powerful, famous, capable, talented, lucky, sexy, fit, healthy, immortal] as I want to be, so I can't be happy.
1. who says you can't be, and; 2. what's that got to do with anything?


https://www.flickr.com/photos/wwworks/4614048392/in/photolist-82JcQu-ff7RWW-mKvdtV-ffCFVL-ffyyqG-feSyw8-2DgxSG-ffyA8G-ffjkEa-ffyAwu-ffjjfx-feTpGt-feSzNp-PhC3k-6g4StL-feSAhK-ffjjvV-6hVMpn-qactiL-ffCFDS-nkLMmU-ff8GiS-ffjkzg-ff8GeG-6ytzXE-ffyAkw-9poVEY-nkLoe1-feSAdp-ffyykG-ff7RHw-ffCG7A-6QpfEc-ff8FQS-feSzAM-ff8FVd-ff7QPS-hu2XEd-dGFRjS-ffCFQu-ffjnaR-ffCGjs-ff8FKu-nm4AcP-dSjGG4-F2wxJ-k3trpd-V3FHGj-7FKcqN-ffyAr1


My life is not my own, I have responsibilities and obligations I have to live up to before I can be happy.
you're crazy --that's ridiculous... be happy AND fulfill your obligations and responsibilities



https://www.flickr.com/photos/goodncrazy/4832837733/in/photolist-8n4yhv-haxsyR-8FshW-MU9Ax-dNuG2Y-ntBYKd-jJsRoA-gwmN7H-61HzUd-kjqTBz-VLbaiY-g1EDcJ-8CX4ZG-4Lx3Lo-asGx7f-nZXdw6-jYV37y-7oaZa5-6bB8S4-3EVoTQ-9AiEUa-eZmHq7-atMLeP-iFiov3-UAgFcR-pNMach-2GC3kD-ej7uza-mnqWNY-h4xts-tSRWFe-4nSBL2-VLb9Yu-4Z999Y-6DwV1e-ag86pM-8EVRmL-VVYcwy-VC2K9V-7E3U4g-dJqU9o-RpSyap-9HUs18-qJNzyP-e2FCFs-sabkuG-kqc1KU-pNKrfa-abeGUe-bb37K4


They need to compensate me for what they've done --then I can be happy.
cool idea, but 'to compensate' means 'to give OTHER than what is needed' --how will that help?


https://www.flickr.com/photos/13476480@N07/23373769723/in/photolist-9sgf2f-4pHA1V-iMfqi-5Nk1kr-3oRzvQ-o7TS5V-2uYEG-oaGAEy-y5BNv-9dxRJZ-f8qaGe-81oZty-BBsFpH-iTmyD-8LZyH8-dPPY2m-c72dwW-iTm4q-5EeBF6-4Mixph-5n4rWg-agt4yA-7JUGWT-iTkRB-u1i5Tj-2aKwFd-HLXdMH-VAXhd4-rW5W25-SbX4am-VMTqJJ-PPzjPK-VMTqd3-tm2JnR-u1i1Lb-7U8nXc-iTmkD-5gydif-7V6Ke4-5PdtYv-BQHdGn-CgW4iP-MDnkRJ-CmUZTQ-J89yCV-UJ1jyX-v1imhP-ad2Npb-62ZXcb-giTr4



I am deeply flawed and have sinned, when I'm pure I can be happy.
yeah, so, never then, eh?


I am not worthy, I haven't earned happiness and don't deserve it.
oh. my. god.


https://www.flickr.com/photos/kellyshort6/7920083938/in/photolist-d4Sv2m-7i3G4x-T2Czdi-SrQGj5-aELXrc-2cWNX-8ktTky-dBLX8s-UBQEpo-9hYGck-5LXQkJ-opJhwR-rnGVby-TEKvsb-cx3ncY-fvg7Et-gwmAC2-rSUbew-b7daa2-gwmN7H-poFR4k-dXXP6L-88bgji-6r2pZR-F8uHQ-dY6F5h-dX8M7i-8fwvFX-g1EDcJ-UtAbDo-o8uGfJ-c2ySdj-6KGi2S-SAkPNA-TJn81M-64qbTH-7XSowL-61VxKd-4pwCzk-kyNviP-cxa1zW-VqL7NK-8NTksS-TJn7Hx-iFiov3-f8oUKp-9RJVJ9-qKg2gA-7oRoEC-cKPgLS



There is too much evil in the world, too many people killed and maimed and starving and suffering for it to be okay for me to be happy.
how does it help them to have you suffering too?






https://www.flickr.com/photos/andrea_44/2662443691/in/photolist-54gHKz-bK4mzn-4s2cC9-snfL3-h2MVaC-dawbzk-apnzwn-hawf8b-A8zQK-aeujMJ-eTc3wj-rixT2H-VjXMQw-ardvaJ-iv5z7h-iv5riH-haweiA-iv5t4L-pSohzC-hawaBZ-7g8ASU-9f7LVj-U9Ukcx-V91HMh-hawees-oPX4mB-sng3p-araT5F-QwvEjB-bZLHg5-iv5ZHF-bZLDpq-659nNY-eTc9rh-8nwFZ1-oxqNgY-UzqGmG-3g4PVn-nuhk9L-4AugyE-9fAsLp-oMTF4Q-qcwB4v-9bQ2j5-oxrscz-nvb5Gi-7PWNzN-67jppr-dKEEdU-s9iZcn


I am in pain. I'll be happy when I don't hurt.
the case is closed: pain lost --happiness alleviates a lot of pain and makes whatever pain is left much easier to endure

I am afraid to be happy. Too much good stuff happening attracts bad luck.
ha. ha. ha. ha. no it doesn't